Sad statto, happy statto

We received a call last night from a Deakin University poll on the happiness of Australians. On a scale of zero to ten, how happy are you? They've obviously thought about it, since it starts at zero rather than one - much better for statistics (though just once I'd like to see a Spinal-Tap-like poll that goes to eleven).

They ask you how satisfied you are with your quality of life, with your house, with the government etc, and you tell them some numbers. There was some other stuff too, like:

"Has anything happened to make you happy or sad recently?"
"Yes."
"Did it make you happy or sad?"
"Both."
"I'm afraid I can only tick one or the other."

And then, the rather profound,

"Do you feel safe?"
"What do you mean by safe?"
"Just ... safe."

Well, I don't know. There could be a terrorist lurking in the recycling shed downstairs I guess, or worse, this could be a bogus survey to extract vital information from gullible householders. Ha ha! Push the big red paranoia button, baby. It's easy to wonder what you're getting poked and prodded for in a post-post-whatever world.

Indeed, I would never have answered these questions back in Colombia. A simple "Usted tiene el numero equivocado," would have done it. Though when I imagine how an average Colombian would answer, the numbers probably aren't that different. In fact, last time I remember a poll like this coming out, Colombia appeared at number 2 (two) in the world. And Australia? Number 139 (one hundred and thirty fucking nine)!

Rather than question the relevance of such an index, may I humbly suggest that next time they run the survey in Australia, they tell people that it's a competition. Then I'm sure we'd do a lot better.